It is so easy these days to share our travels, our achievements, our celebrations, our friendships. We eagerly share what we have become but seldom do we share the journey that gets us there: the hard work, the struggles, the pains and the fears…we rarely talk about the journey of becoming.
A couple of months ago, I reached a crossroads, I took a turn and set off in to a new direction walking the pathway of exploration into a new future. (see New Beginnings).
My journey so far has been exciting, liberating, energising, unexpected and promising. That’s the point where we usually stop sharing, right, so I leave you with a positive and hopeful picture and maybe a sense of envy. O how we crave for that recognition!!
Well, let me be honest and not stop but continue sharing ….
These past months have also been extremely challenging and daunting. I have come up against my own flaws, my impatience, my inability to stop and live in the moment, my sense of duty pushing me to put in the effort, every day, to shape and mould my future because I long to start seeing the outcome of my quest…and to be re-assured that it will all work out for the best in the end.
On good days, I feel I am ‘the Architect’ of my future enjoying seeking new inspiration, taking ideas to the drawing board, sketching and designing, then taking a step back, overlooking, rethinking, tweaking and refining the design. On very good days, I feel bold and start from scratch, taking a blank piece of paper and start sketching a completely new design. And because I have created that space and have given myself the luxury of time, I am finding this process hugely satisfying and energising.
But then on some days I wake up and I have ‘Peggy the Construction Manager’ knocking on the door demanding where the building plans are as the bricks have arrived, the mortar is being mixed and builders have finished drinking their coffees and smoking their cigarettes eager to crack on. Throw ‘Peggy the Client” in to the mix, tapping her fingers impatiently on the drawing board, demanding to see the final project plan as she is ready to move in and start decorating the new place and you can just imagine the stress levels rising!!
My decision to take a break was not impulsive, it was well thought through and based on an absolute belief that I needed to change direction and give myself time to shape the destination. Give myself time… This is proving to be the hardest challenge so far!! And it is caused by the fear of the unknown creeping in and putting mental blocks up.
But I am fighting this, am confronting it head on by allowing myself to believe that I am in a period now of incubation, gathering energy to re-grow and to come out stronger and flourish. Like plants do during winter time… just hope it doesn’t take me until March and that my spring comes sooner ?
If anything in this blog triggers a reaction, please leave a comment and join in the discussion.